This happened at the school assembly today

Today was school assembly today. And to be honest, they're usually not interesting. They weren't when I was a student, and they're not now that I'm a teacher. 

But today was awesome. Here's why: 

1. Year 12 commandeered the assembly, because it's the last one before they graduate (it was planned, but the other students didn't know that). 

2. This was done with this clip from Harry Potter

before one of the kids entered as Darth Vader and "kidnapped" the principal and all the kids entered the hall to this music.

3. There were Teacher vs. Student Lip Synching Battles! No I did not take part.

ROUND 1: Single Ladies vs. Fancy. 

ROUND 2: Love is an Open Door vs. Reflection. 

ROUND 3: Don't Stop Me Now vs. Ice Ice Baby.

The students won, which I think was kinda biased as the student body were voting.

4. A student serenaded his girlfriend and asked her to the formal (senior prom). She said yes.

5. They made a speech and apologised for everything they'd ever done to a teacher (such as throwing a kidney across a science lab).  

6. They exited the hall to The Circle of Life. 

Basically, it was awesome.

Today I made 2 kids cry. How was your day?

One of the reasons I always wanted to be a teacher, was due to my experiences with bullying at school. I had some fantastic teachers who helped me through it, and really supported me; and I always thought if I could do the same for other kids, I would be happy.

Today I got my chance, and it wasn't exactly how I pictured it.

I was teaching today, dealing with the usual stuff- getting the kids to stop talking, reminding them to take off their hats, and telling a boy up the back not to throw paper balls at a girl a few seats away- (let's call her Kate). I got them settled and got them to begin working when I noticed the girl was crying. I took her outside, and asked her if everything was okay. She told me that the boy who had been throwing paper at her and another boy had been bullying her- apparently since last October. They had been saying things and reduced her to tears just now.

I was not impressed. I loathe bullying and I won't tolerate it. So, I went back into the classroom, called the kids to a stop and proceeded to give them a furious lecture on the long-term psychological effects of bullying- speaking from experience. I told them how it affects people for the rest of their lives, the things people say to and about them; and told them that I wouldn't tolerate it in my classroom.

There was not a sound after that.

A few minutes later, when they were getting back to work, one of the girls (a girl who I'm usually nagging constantly to stop talking and get back on task) was in tears. One of her friends brought it to the attention of everyone, and she laughed as she wiped her eyes and explained that she was teary because when I was speaking about my experiences "it's so sad and I feel bad."

Then one of the boys who had been bullying Kate came up to me and asked if he could apologise to her. I said yes, and he did so.
When all the kids were finishing their work, two other boys near the front of the room thanked me for saying something and for doing something about it.

After class, I got two of my best students in the class to take care of Kate for me, just to support her and give her some support.
When I got back to the staffroom, two of the boys came up to me, who were about to go into the classroom next door. One of them, (who I shall call Fred), seemed a bit teary. I asked if he was okay, and he told me that what I had said meant a lot to him because he had been bullied too, and really related to what I had said. He ended up in tears too.

When I was alone in the staffroom, that got me crying. Because Kate and Fred are both really sweet kids, and I wanted to do more to help them. Plus, I had really only just held it together when I was talking about it in class, and talking about brings back unhappy memories and feelings.

I wrote up the two boys who had been bullying Kate in our discipline system (and crying), and took them down to the office. Outside Kate and the two girls I had asked to look after her were waiting to meet with the Welfare teacher, and they saw I had been crying and asked if I was ok. I spoke to them for a while, and one of them said to me, "I can't believe you were ever bullied, because you're amazing."

Well, that made my day. I just laughed and said "Not when I was 12, I wasn't."

But I think I really got through to them. I had so many of them talk to me in the playground for the rest of today. We'll just see if the message sticks.

So that was my day. I made 2 kids cry. How was your day?

I HAVE A JOB!

Yes, that's right! I have a job.

So, naturally this has become the best day ever. It's just until the end of the year (for now), but we'll see what  happens!

For the past three months, I have been so stressed (actually, I've been stressed from like Term 4 of last year), and depressed and... in a really dark place (admittedly probably not helped by writing a really depressing fanfic). I've been questioning everything- am I even a good teacher? Is this really what I'm meant to be doing? Could I ever be happy doing anything else?

And now... I honestly didn't even think I had a chance of getting this job! The application was for History/Ancient History/Drama teacher. I'm qualified for History, taught Ancient History last year, but haven't taught Drama. But they offered it to me!

So, Manilla. It's a town with about 2000 people in it, in New South Wales. It's about 28 minutes from Tamworth, and 5 hours from Sydney. So that makes it probably about 7 hrs from home unfortunately. But Manilla has buses, and trains and an airport in Tamworth!

I just... ah, I'm so grateful. It was my new Head Teacher who I spoke to and she seems so nice! At the moment, it looks like I'll be teaching Junior (7-10) Drama and History and combined Senior (11 and 12) Ancient History and Drama. But that could change! The school has 159 kids just in Yrs 7-12, and I'm just... thrilled.

I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who supported me these past few months and listened to me mope for so long, and who prayed for me... it means a lot.

I'm strangely not terrified! I probably will be when it gets closer, but right now I'm just so grateful and excited! My new Head Teacher said I got a "glowing" reference from my last principal, which I am so appreciative of.

I can't think of anything else to say right now!

I'm tired

I've dreamed of being a teacher since I was 7 years old, it's all I've pretty much ever wanted to do. And in 2011 I fulfilled that dream, completing my Graduate Diploma of Education and qualifying as a High School English and History teacher. And a few weeks before graduation, I got a phone call. Telling me that there was a job for a year in Quandialla for a year, and did I want it? I had no idea where Quandialla was, but I figured a job was a job, it was only for a year and it would be a good experience.

Quandialla it turned out, was a tiny town in Western NSW, about an hours drive from Young. There was about 30 kids in the entire school from Kindergarten to Year 12. I moved out there, moving out of home for the first time, moving four hours away from all my family and friends. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. It was a difficult year, but also rewarding. The kids were great, and I learned a lot, but I was terribly homesick.

By term 3, term 4, I started applying for jobs, knowing my contract was up at the end of the year. Nothing but rejection letters. At the end of last year, I said goodbye to the kids and the other teachers and moved back home. Which is not all fun- it's a long story, but basically my family is living with my grandparents so there's 8 of us in a 4 bedroom house and I'm sharing a room with my 17 year old brother.
And I'm still unemployed. Still getting nothing but rejection letters, which are really feeling like a giant "You suck" from the universe. I haven't been unemployed since I was 16, and that was only a month between part time jobs.

I've got my name down for casual work at almost every school in the local area, and still nothing. Part of me knows that this is only going into week 4 of term, so it's not quite at the stage where heaps of teachers are calling in sick yet, but my self-esteem is still taking a blow, which has never been great with to begin with.

The thing is, many people, well meaning people, keep asking me how the job search is going. A lot. My parents, my grandparents, people at church, Facebook friends, former colleagues. And the more people ask, the more I feel like shooting myself (figuratively). Even worse is when people suggest I simply go back to Woolworths,where I worked for 5.5 years through high school and uni- which was kind of the point of uni, so I wasn't going to be a checkout chick forever.

I just... I feel stuck. And depressed. And thoroughly discouraged. Now I'm wondering if I'm truly meant to be a teacher after all. Otherwise, wouldn't I have a job? And I am trying. But the thing is- uni spends a whole year trying to tell us how to teach. But they wait until the last day to give us a 20 minute talk on how to apply for jobs? And that's not even taking into account what I've been learning recently- that every school, every panel, every person going through the piles of job applications every time they want to hire someone- is looking for something different. And they're not going to tell you what they want. You apparently have to guess, or read minds.

I am depressed. I am stressed. I don't sleep well. I cry a lot. Over everything. I pretty much only eat when I feel really sick because I haven't eaten- not because I'm starving myself or anything, I'm simply not hungry and forget to eat. And then I generally eat dinner, because by that time of night, I am hungry.

And I've thought of trying to find other work- not in teaching. I know, I know. I'm 22, I have the rest of my life to teach... but I have no skills. I've never done admin or office work. I can pack groceries really well (seriously, I got compliments on it from customers). I can write (If I could get paid for writing fairly decent fan fiction, I'd be set). I'm a good teacher... well, I thought I was a good teacher, or at least becoming a good teacher.

It's so tempting to give up, but I don't want to give up. I don't want to be a quitter. I've never really quit anything (well, I quit Economics at school, but I hated that). I just... I don't know what to do any more.

A new direction?

I have a secret to share. Well, it's not really a secret, unless you've never been in this position, but I'll tell you anyway: job hunting sucks.

It may be one of the greatest evils on planet Earth. Right up there with maths. And mosquitoes (can someone please tell me what purpose these things serve? I can think of none except to torture humanity). 

It's not just the actual act of looking for jobs that is so horrible...although, it's not really fun and it is so easy to procrastinate that task in favour of fun things like reading about the tropes that appear in your favourite books, movies and TV shows (seriously, I've become somewhat addicted to this lately). 

And yes, writing the applications isn't much fun either, although if you're looking for a job in a certain field, you can kind of copy and paste and just change certain things to apply for that specific job. 

No, the worst part is the rejection letters. They come in the mail, in their little innocent envelopes, and if they have a logo on them, you just know immediately. And what was exciting for a moment (because who doesn't like getting mail? What could it be? A present? A cheque? Don't laugh, that did happen to me the other week, much to my joy) becomes a giant, soul-crushing, taunting... thing.

It just taunts you, like a giant YOU SUCK from the universe, and you really do feel like you suck, once you get more than a dozen of them.

It is hopelessly discouraging and the urge to just give in and stop applying is there, don't get me wrong. But I have no desire to be one of the many unemployed, living off Centrelink.

School starts next week, and yes, I am still unemployed. I'm hoping to get some casual work and/or tutoring once school actually starts; but I'm also looking at other things. I have many exciting things planned for 2013, many interstate, which requires money. And I really don't want to be back living at home and sharing a room with my brother for too much longer. 

At first, I was really against even the thought of applying for any job that wasn't teaching related. Because to me, it kind of felt like giving up. I have this beautiful Diploma of Education, and I'm not going to use it? 

However, now I'm at the stage where I'm looking past that. It's not a desperation thing (although having any job sounds good at this time), but I'm just starting to see that there are some opportunities and paths that I wouldn't mind exploring- even if they don't involve a classroom.

For example, writing. I love writing. I have since I was 6, and it's been a happy escape for me ever since then. And whilst I can admit that it's not perfect and can definitely be better, I can also admit that I'm good at it. I have many lovely friends who give me greater compliments than "good", but I'm not a good judge of that! (I'm a perfectionist, I admit it). 

If I had the chance to work in an area somehow related to writing or books, I might have died and gone to heaven. I love teaching, I do, and I can see myself doing it for 20 or 30 years. But I'm only 22. I've done one year, and I'm accepting and realising now that I don't have to do those 20 or 30 years in the classroom full-time right now. 

I'm not giving up on teaching in any way, but I'm just saying I'm not opposed to exploring other avenues in the next year or so. It would give me some great life experiences and new skills and allow me to meet new people. 

Food for thought, I suppose. (Note to self: It may be a good idea to stop thinking after 11 pm. It leads to rambling). 

To My Students

Dear Students,

So, we've come to the end of the school year, my first year of teaching and my only year with you guys as your teacher.

And I can admit, in some ways, I'm happy to be leaving. Nothing to do with you guys, but living without shops, movies, city access and being so isolated from my family and friends hasn't been easy.

But I wanted to say thank you. You guys have made my first year of teaching... memorable to say the least :P I've gotten to know you all pretty well, and I'm so glad I did, because you're all great kids. And I really, really mean that.
Even the kids in the school that I didn't actually teach (i.e. primary school kids), I can say you are all lovely people and you made me feel so welcome from the very beginning.

The words "Panda Cheese" and "manufactured pop" will always remind me of my Yr 11 boys (sorry, Year 12 now), and I'd really like to thank you two boys, because even when I was having the worst day, you two could always put a smile on my face. Thanks for every time you dropped by just to say "hi" or called out "Hi, Miss!" as you passed me in the street. Sometimes it's the little things that get you through the day.

For my junior girls, we had some really great conversations in our classes and I got to do some really fun classroom activities with you two, which I hope you enjoyed as much as I did!

I'm really proud of what you guys have learned this year, even though I feel like you haven't yet quite reached your full potential!

• Boys, I'm really proud how well you guys took to the concept of "voyeurism" and still remembered it well after the topic was over- even if you did say that Psycho had "the worst acting you've ever seen" (except for Twilight). 
• I got one girl interseted in The Diary of Anne Frank and the other in Pride and Prejudice, and you can both now say you've seen Tangled, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. (As a 90's child and Disney nerd, you don't know how upsetting this was to me. Or maybe you do, given my reaction when this was revealed).

And then there's all the things you've learned that aren't on the syllabus or in any exam.

• I'm really, really proud that all 4 of you (and a few more!) now know Wicked, and that R can tell the difference between "animals" and "Animals", and that S knows the significance of "Fae" and that you guys know the names of "Fiyero" (not my duckling) and "Elphaba" (although R and M will probably always refer to her as She-Hulk).
• You have also been thoroughly educated on Delta Goodrem's music, much to the happiness of the boys :) (You're welcome :P)
• And I'm proud that I had to give away multiple copies of the Wicked soundtrack and David Harris's albums :)

But you guys have taught me things too, which I'll always remember and think of you guys. I now know more about metal music than I honestly ever wanted to (thank you, boys); as well as other types of music that you guys have kindly educated me on this year.

And to those that came and left throughout the year, thank you for also adding something to my first year of teaching! It was really great getting to know you all as well.

So I wanted to write this (also, my 100th post- I saved it for a special occasion), just to say thank you for making my first year of teaching so special. I will genuinely miss you guys!

All I can say is this:

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me Is made from what I learned from you

You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart

Yes, it's from Wicked but it's true. I learned a lot from you guys, and hopefully you learned a thing or two from me! And I was super proud to be your teacher, and I'll always remember you guys as my first students.
You are all capable of doing really well and working really hard. Remember that.

Sincerely, Miss Eades