2019 has been a Time

I've finally finished Life's Epochs: Hopes, Fears and Tears, the sequel to Until the End of Time. If you're reading this post, you've either just read the first chapter... or you just happened to check my blog. Either way, thanks for reading this.

It's fair to say that the posting of this story has happened much, much later than I anticipated.

Every year, I am full of hope and confidence about what writing goals I would like to accomplish. I always hope that I'll find more time/motivation/inspiration to write than the year prior.

Obviously, this year that has not happened.

I've made vague mentions on social media about things, but overall I haven't said much about what's been happening. Partly because a lot of the events, while they affected me, are not mine to tell. But people have been incredibly patient with waiting for this story, and now that it's finally ready to be shared, I feel I should say something. 

(Also, aren't you all glad that I don't post until I'm finished writing?)

So, 2019 started with a bang. Not in a good way. In the 'I went to 3 funerals in a month' kinda way.

Then some family stuff went down which really shook me, enough that I've gone back into therapy after 2 years.

And then around March, I just stopped writing.

Well, it was more like I couldn't write. Nothing flowed, I hated everything I wrote, and I was second guessing everything I had planned. So, I froze. I took a step back and stopped.

Usually if I'm not writing, I'm reading. If I'm writing, I'm not reading. Very rarely do I manage to balance the writing and reading of fanfiction.

But for about a month, I was neither writing nor reading. I was doing nothing. I had a few days where I couldn't even bring myself to leave the house. I was in a super bad place. I was really worried for a little while there that I'd just never write again.

So what changed?

The MCU.

Now, here's the thing. I had seen some of the very early Marvel movies- namely, the Iron Man movies and the first Thor movie. But superhero movies were never really my thing, so it was a surprise to me that I had enjoyed the Iron Man movies.

But once it became a whole universe thing over multiple years, I just didn't have the mental energy at the time to engage in a new fandom.

But it was something I was always pretty up to date with what was going on and the characters, mostly thanks to Tumblr. The last year or so I was getting more interested in committing to the MCU, and so at the beginning of the year when most of the MCU films went up on one of the streaming services here, and I wasn't writing/reading anything, I had the time to commit to watching all the movies.

And I got hooked. Iron Man is my favourite. I fell in love with Tony's character development throughout the MCU, and as of Civil War, his developing mentor/mentee/father/son relationship with Peter Parker.

Then I started checking out fanfic for that, and fell down that rabbit hole (we've all been there!) and after a few months of devouring fics (especially after Endgame came out), I started to think about going back to Hopes, Fears and Tears.

But even though my interest in writing had reignited, I still felt like nothing was flowing. I still kinda hated everything I was writing.

My psychologist suggested that I put the story aside and just focus on writing- try to fall in love with writing again.

So, I started writing. Just for me. Nothing I'd post, which meant I was free to only write what I wanted to write. I didn't have to worry about whether or not a plot event was out of character, or too much.

In 79 days, I ended up with a 50 chapter, 170k+ word IronDad/Spiderson fanfic. Which makes it the longest thing I've ever written. And I'm actually really proud of it.

And finishing it felt really good, and it felt amazing to be able to write and have it flow that strongly. It feels like a long time since something flowed that easily. I don't think I've written a completed fic that quickly in years.

That's how I came back to finish Hopes, Fears and Tears. 

I just want to say thank you for being so patient while I took a much needed break. I got some really lovely messages via Tumblr to encourage me to finish this, and everyone was very understanding- without knowing the details- about my needing to step back.

I appreciate you all!