Hopes, Fears & Tears: The Wedding Post

Here is a collection of images that inspired the wedding details for Life's Epochs: Hopes, Fears and Tears. 

 Elphaba's Wedding Look:

I don't remember which specific veil I was picturing when I wrote this chapter, I had all these images saved. But this is the style- the cap veil! (Also known as a Juliet cap veil)

The bridesmaid's dresses: 

2019 has been a Time

I've finally finished Life's Epochs: Hopes, Fears and Tears, the sequel to Until the End of Time. If you're reading this post, you've either just read the first chapter... or you just happened to check my blog. Either way, thanks for reading this.

It's fair to say that the posting of this story has happened much, much later than I anticipated.

Every year, I am full of hope and confidence about what writing goals I would like to accomplish. I always hope that I'll find more time/motivation/inspiration to write than the year prior.

Obviously, this year that has not happened.

I've made vague mentions on social media about things, but overall I haven't said much about what's been happening. Partly because a lot of the events, while they affected me, are not mine to tell. But people have been incredibly patient with waiting for this story, and now that it's finally ready to be shared, I feel I should say something. 

(Also, aren't you all glad that I don't post until I'm finished writing?)

So, 2019 started with a bang. Not in a good way. In the 'I went to 3 funerals in a month' kinda way.

Then some family stuff went down which really shook me, enough that I've gone back into therapy after 2 years.

And then around March, I just stopped writing.

Well, it was more like I couldn't write. Nothing flowed, I hated everything I wrote, and I was second guessing everything I had planned. So, I froze. I took a step back and stopped.

Usually if I'm not writing, I'm reading. If I'm writing, I'm not reading. Very rarely do I manage to balance the writing and reading of fanfiction.

But for about a month, I was neither writing nor reading. I was doing nothing. I had a few days where I couldn't even bring myself to leave the house. I was in a super bad place. I was really worried for a little while there that I'd just never write again.

So what changed?

The MCU.

Now, here's the thing. I had seen some of the very early Marvel movies- namely, the Iron Man movies and the first Thor movie. But superhero movies were never really my thing, so it was a surprise to me that I had enjoyed the Iron Man movies.

But once it became a whole universe thing over multiple years, I just didn't have the mental energy at the time to engage in a new fandom.

But it was something I was always pretty up to date with what was going on and the characters, mostly thanks to Tumblr. The last year or so I was getting more interested in committing to the MCU, and so at the beginning of the year when most of the MCU films went up on one of the streaming services here, and I wasn't writing/reading anything, I had the time to commit to watching all the movies.

And I got hooked. Iron Man is my favourite. I fell in love with Tony's character development throughout the MCU, and as of Civil War, his developing mentor/mentee/father/son relationship with Peter Parker.

Then I started checking out fanfic for that, and fell down that rabbit hole (we've all been there!) and after a few months of devouring fics (especially after Endgame came out), I started to think about going back to Hopes, Fears and Tears.

But even though my interest in writing had reignited, I still felt like nothing was flowing. I still kinda hated everything I was writing.

My psychologist suggested that I put the story aside and just focus on writing- try to fall in love with writing again.

So, I started writing. Just for me. Nothing I'd post, which meant I was free to only write what I wanted to write. I didn't have to worry about whether or not a plot event was out of character, or too much.

In 79 days, I ended up with a 50 chapter, 170k+ word IronDad/Spiderson fanfic. Which makes it the longest thing I've ever written. And I'm actually really proud of it.

And finishing it felt really good, and it felt amazing to be able to write and have it flow that strongly. It feels like a long time since something flowed that easily. I don't think I've written a completed fic that quickly in years.

That's how I came back to finish Hopes, Fears and Tears. 

I just want to say thank you for being so patient while I took a much needed break. I got some really lovely messages via Tumblr to encourage me to finish this, and everyone was very understanding- without knowing the details- about my needing to step back.

I appreciate you all!

Wicked #34: Wicked in Nowra

This weekend I saw a[nother] community theatre production, this one in Nowra NSW.

This was show 34 for me, but it was also notable because I took 3 friends with me. Two of whom had never seen the show before, and one who came and saw the production in Wagga Wagga with me in November 2017.

Overall, it was a good production. The staging wasn’t too different, so I have very few notes. Which meant I could relax more and enjoy the show, rather than frantically try and remember every difference I deemed notable on a mental loop until I was able to write everything down!

Our Glinda I’ve seen before- in the Wollongong production I saw in August 2017. I loved her performance then and I loved it now! She was truly excellent. Our Elphaba was also wonderful- and only 17.

The rest of the cast was really solid- although Morrible was a little late on every cue in Act 1, which was frustrating. But my friends didn’t notice, so maybe it wasn’t that bad? The transitions between scenes were also extended (to allow time for crew to move on and off set pieces). Again, this was very noticeable to me, but it didn’t seem to bother my friends.

The orchestra was uneven in patches, and my friends did notice this. However, it didn’t distract them too much. They all said how much they enjoyed it on the way home. My friend K, who saw it for the first time, said “I can see why you love this so much” and then was exclaiming over how well it fits with The Wizard of Oz and that she needed to buy the soundtrack.

Here’s a few things I did note, however:

No One Mourns the Wicked: Glinda entered way too early. Like, as soon as the Ozians started singing “Good news!” the bubble was entering the stage. It was just a bubble that she sat on suspended by wires, so there was one time when it moved a little too fast and swung a lot. Elphaba’s birth scene was also done through use of silhouettes behind a curtain, rather than being shown on stage.

Dear Old Shiz: This was where Morrible missing her cue was the most noticeable. The cast were just left to make awkward whispers before she finally arrived.

Dancing Through Life: Fiyero, when talking to Boq at the beginning of the song, put his sunglasses on Boq’s face and ruffled his hair.

One Short Day: During the train station scene, G[a]linda was having sound issues. Ultimately, one of the crew ran on stage and handed her a handheld microphone to use. Glinda was then late to enter during OSD- she didn’t come on until her “The hustle and bustle” line, and her dress was still unzipped.

The actress playing Glinda was a total pro through all this though. She handled it all really well.

Defying Gravity: Like the production I saw last week in the Gold Coast, this was also done through suspending Elphaba in the air by wires.

Thank Goodness: The dais was upstage, and when Glinda and Fiyero moved downstage to talk, Morrible seemed to be telling the crowd scary things- judging by their actions.

As Long As You’re Mine: The only thing noted here was that there was so much dry ice!

And at the curtain call, after final bows, the cast all sang a bit of One Short Day together, which was fun.

So, this was probably the best community theatre production I’ve seen (that didn’t feature professionals- ie Canberra and Gold Coast). Definitely better than the Wollongong production, but also better than the Wagga Wagga production, despite the sound/orchestra issues.

Now I’m back to not knowing when I’ll see Wicked again!

Wicked #33: Wicked on the Gold Coast!

Last night I saw my 33rd show of Wicked, which took place at the HOTA (Home of the Arts) on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia. 

It was really a non-professional production, like the production I saw in Canberra in 2016. Some of the cast have had roles in professional productions- Samantha Dodemaide who was Elphaba, played Dorothy in Australian production of The Wizard of Oz last year; and our Fiyero, Trent Owers was in the Nutcracker and the Four Realms movie that came out last year (I mean, he was uncredited as the Head Throne Room Guard, but still!).

I really enjoyed this production, because they made a lot of interesting choices. So, here's a scene-by-scene breakdown of things I thought were notable. 

Also, all pictures in this post are taken from instagram accounts of the cast- as evident because there handles are in the picture. 

No One Mourns the Wicked: So throughout the overture, there was a projection of Oz on the curtain where the camera zoomed through the streets- it went through the Emerald City, bypassed a golden statue of the Wizard, and swung by the castle (lit up with green magical sparks) before returning to the Emerald City before the curtain rose and the Ozians started their festivations. It was pretty cool!

The only real things I noted in this scene was that the Midwife was a human, not an Animal; and the actor playing Frexspar had decent facial hair (which is nothing really of note, I know. It just made me laugh a little because I remembered in my Don’t Tell the Bride fic where I made a reference to Frex once having facial hair).

Galinda's friends seen on the right, taken from the production instagram.

Dear Old Shiz: There was a portrait of the Wizard that hung in the Shiz set- or rather, there was an empty frame that hung in the Shiz set and a picture of the Wizard was projected in a way to make it look as though it was in the frame (this is important later on, I promise).

Galinda didn’t enter the scene on the luggage trolley, but simply walked on, while her friends followed behind her, both carrying towering stacks of luggage for her. Also to note that instead of the typical Pfannee and ShenShen, one of Galinda’s friends/posse was a guy! And I loved that.

The Wizard and I: Ok, so here’s the thing about Sam’s Elphaba. She was great, but she was a much more friendly, softer and open Elphaba than you typically see. Case in point: Right before Elphaba’s second verse of TWAI, when a student walks on stage, Elphaba threw him a smile and a genuine friendly “Hi, how are you doing?” to which he then noticed her, freaked out and ran off.

The portrait of the Wizard continued to hang in the background of the scene, and I was like “Oh that’s really interesting, because then it’s like she’s almost singing to him and it’s the visualisation of her dream.”

But then after her “When people see me they will scream for half of Oz’s greatest team” line, in the beat that followed, she turned back to look at the portrait and the Wizard moved. He tipped his hat to her, and then she turned back to the audience with a smile and did the final “The Wizard and I” belt.

It was very Harry Potter vibes. Because if you tell me about a portrait that moves, I immediately thing of Harry Potter or The Witches.

What is this feeling? You can see the portrait/projection of the Wizard here.

What is This Feeling?: My only note for this scene was that there were two staircases that were moved on and off the stage throughout the show as needed, but they were used really effectively in this scene.

Something Bad: Ok, I have a lot to say about this scene. First of all, just a little thing, but still interesting (to me at least)- Galinda’s “I don’t see what the problem is. No other teacher seems to have trouble pronouncing my name” line wasn’t delivered to Dillamond, but just to her friends. Elphaba then overhears and responds with her line. Dillamond doesn’t really hear until she gets riled up by her “Maybe some of us are different!” line where she rose to her feet.

The most interesting thing in this scene for me, was that when Dr Dillamond starts telling Elphaba about the odd things happening in Oz to the Animals, he pulls out a notebook and handed it to her. When Morrible comes into the room, he gestures for her to keep it, and Elphaba quickly puts it into her bag. I loved the idea that Dillamond’s been keeping notes or perhaps collecting evidence of what’s been happening to the Animals, and he doesn’t hesitate to share it with Elphaba (it reminded me of what happens in the Wicked novel somewhat).

Although when Elphaba said the solution was to tell the Wizard, Dillamond didn’t look upset by that idea. So, he may be collecting notes, but he didn’t seem to suspect the Wizard was involved.

Dancing Through Life: Ah, so much to talk about here!

First of all, Fiyero and Avaric’s handshake involved Fiyero giving finger guns and Avaric pretending to be shot, before kissing Fiyero’s hand and leaving. Elphaba was watching with a “WTF?” face, which is how I felt lol.

Secondly, Elphaba was carrying a stack of books and reading through Dillamond’s notebook when Fiyero’s cart almost knocked her over, so I liked that they continued to use the notebook (Not for the last time either! Stay tuned!).

When she was picking up the books she dropped, there was one right at Fiyero’s feet and he stepped over it to say goodbye to Avaric. But then once he was gone, Fiyero picked it up for Elphaba and handed it to her and they chatted for a bit (I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but Elphaba’s facial expression was “I don’t understand what is happening, why are you talking to me, I’m gonna go now.” Well, that’s how I saw it, anyway). So, Elphaba moved away from Fiyero, but didn’t leave the stage. She stayed there talking to Nessa until the second verse of Dancing Through Life.

Another thing I noticed was that while Fiyero and Galinda were literally standing nose to nose during their first conversation, during the first two verses of DTL Fiyero didn’t pay Galinda much notice specifically. It wasn’t until she sent Boq off to ask Nessa to the dance that he focused on her. Which, for me, lessened the impact of the “You’re perfect/you’re perfect/so we’re perfect together” bit.

When Galinda’s friends picked up the “hideodeous” hat, they were both physically gagging and holding it away from them like it stunk.

Boq seemed to genuinely enjoy Nessa’s company at the OzDust. Their dancing together was adorable and gave me Bessa feels.

When Elphaba entered the OzDust and was dancing alone, one of the ensemble audibly commented “Is she casting a spell?” at one stage, and there were two who were mocking her dancing in the background- copying her moves and laughing.

When Galinda started dancing and everyone else joins in, Galinda waved to Fiyero (who waved back) and then she and Elphaba left the stage, leaving the ensemble to finish the dance and song alone.

You can see the pink blanket and pillow on Elphaba's bed behind the girls here!

Popular: My favourite thing about this scene is that both girls were wearing slippers during this
scene. Elphaba’s were just simple brown ones, and Galinda’s were fluffy and pink (naturally). Galinda also had a robe on over her party dress at first, but took it off before starting to sing.

And I just don’t know how I’m ever going to think of this song/scene again without Galinda wearing pink, fluffy slippers- and I mean that in the best possible way. I loved it.

Also, Galinda’s efforts to makeover Elphaba here included pulling out a pink blanket and spreading it on Elphaba’s bed, and also two pink pillows. She also pulled out a cardboard box and started pulling Elphaba’s books off the shelf next to her bed, ignoring Elphaba’s protests.

I’m Not That Girl: Ok, prepare yourselves. First of all, in the classroom scene, when the teacher started talking about cages, Elphaba pulled Dillamond’s notebook out of her bag and started flicking through it, as though there was a mention of cages in it. So again, I loved them bringing back attention to the notebook.

And now the ever amazing Lion Cub scene. After Elphaba said her “No you’re not or you wouldn’t be so unhappy” line and Fiyero started to walk away, the guys (I don’t know what to call them really. Guards? Soldiers? Wizard Henchmen? I don't know what to call them) who took Dillamond away entered the stage as though looking for the Cub and/or Elphaba and Fiyero?. That’s when Elphaba grabbed Fiyero’s hand, to pull him back into hiding (they were standing off to the side of the stage with the cage).

Then- after the whole “you’re bleeding” thing, they almost kissed. And not just a little lean in. Their lips were only like an inch apart before Fiyero caught himself and pulled away. I think I actually gasped a little.

One Short Day: I don’t have any notes on OSD itself, except that there were no flattops (which wasn’t unexpected). But I did note two things about the train station scene that I thought were interesting.

The first was that when Nessa wheeled off stage and Elphaba made to follow her, she said something like “I can change my [flight?]” before Galinda interrupted. She definitely said “I can change my” and then it sounded like she said “fli” before she got cut off, which confused me. Because, you know… they’re at a train station. No airports in Oz. So, I’m  

not sure what Elphaba was about to say.

The other thing was that when Galinda started crying over Fiyero about how different he’d been acting, Elphaba looked very guilty. So that was a nice little bit of acting on Sam’s part. 

A Sentimental Man: Only notes here was that the Wizard head was just a projection on the curtain. Oh, and Chistery was a girl.

Defying Gravity: So throughout the DG scene, which had a green background (pictured left), I was like “how are they doing the lift for Defying Gravity?” 

When the guards burst into the room, they captured Elphaba- and then I realised what was happening.

They hooked wires to her waist and then Elphaba was just hoisted into the air and they had a projection in the background so it looked like she was rising through the clouds. 

Which looked cool, and Sam nailed the vocals, but I was a little distracted just thinking “how is that a comfortable position to sing in??” I mean, I know Pink does it, but Defying Gravity isn’t an easy song to sing when your feet are planted on the ground, let alone dangling in the air (I imagine. My Defying Gravity performances are limited to the shower and my car, neither done well).

The image below on the right is taken from Sam's instagram story during the run, which I managed to grab a screenshot of.

Thank Goodness: I didn’t note anything for this scene.

The Wicked Witch of the East: The biggest thing to note here is how they staged Boq’s transformation. When Nessa called for Boq after Elphaba cast the spell, Elphaba hid around the corner of the wardrobe and tried to sneak back into it before Boq noticed her. The wardrobe door was left ajar, and so when Boq’s heart began to shrink, he actually fell into the wardrobe, with only his feet sticking out.

Elphaba moved in front of him to cast the new spell, and when she stepped aside, the legs were now tin. Gotta admit, I didn’t hate the staging. At first I was thought it was weird that he was falling into the wardrobe, and then I realised what they were going to do; and it just looked smoother than Elphaba wheeling the wheelchair behind the wardrobe to do the switch.

The other thing I noted here was that when Boq started singing his “Nessa, surely now I’ll matter less to you” bit, Elphaba made a face and inched aside like “oh, this is super awkward and I’m stuck here” which made me laugh a bit.

And when Nessa got angry in the “lost your heart? Well, we’ll see about that” she visibly tightened her grip on Boq’s hands, to the point he actually called out “ow, my hands!” I really liked X as Nessa. I thought she did a great job.

Wonderful: No notes that I remember!

I’m Not That Girl (reprise): Ditto.

As Long As You’re Mine: Ok, if you read my blog a lot, you might remember my recap of the Canberra production I saw in 2016, notably with the steamy ALAYM.

This was that kind of ALAYM in this production, and apparently I’m always going to be a little surprised/”OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING?” when this happens. Although this time there was also a voice in my head screaming “THERE IS A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL IN THE ROW DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME” as well.

So, staging: Basically any time Elphaba and/or Fiyero were not singing in this scene, they were making out. They came on stage, they made out. Then Fiyero took off Elphaba’s cloak she wore, spread it on the ground like a blanket and they made out some more.

Elphaba sang her verse while Fiyero kissed her neck, then they made out. Fiyero sang his verse, while Elphaba unbuttoned his shirt and kissed down his chest, and then they made out some more.

By the third chorus, Elphaba was kinda leaning back on her elbows, and then sat up for her “For the first time I feel wicked” line, and then grabbed Fiyero’s shirt and pulled him on top of her, and then they made out a little more.

No Good Deed: No Good Deed was amazing. Sam’s best vocals of the night, I felt. Loved it.

March of the Witch Hunters: No notes.

For Good: Elphaba got a costume change for this scene! She got a third dress, which honestly, I kinda loved. Not the dress itself (I mean, the dress was fine, but it’s not as pretty as Elphaba’s usual Act 2 dress), but that she got a costume change. When her last scene was “if you want wicked, I’ll give you wicked”, it makes total sense from a story/character point of view to change her dress.

(Sorry. English teacher. I can’t help myself!)

Anyway, my other note was that after Glinda sang her verse and chorus, Elphaba actually walked away. Then she paused, turned back to Glinda and sang “it may well be that we won’t meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part.”

Also, when Elphaba sang “so much of me is made from what I learned from you” she mimed doing a hair toss, and Glinda laughed and did it back to her.

The only other thing I noted was that after Elphaba took the Grimmerie from Chistery to hand to Glinda, she whispered something to Chistery, who then went and moved the bucket. So, I guess you can interpret that as either Elphaba just asking her to move the bucket, or telling her the plan. Either way, I thought it was interesting.

A close up photo of Elphaba's 3rd dress from Sam's insta account. 

 Finale: No notes.

So there you go!

I see another community theatre production in Nowra, NSW next weekend, so I’ll share anything interesting that happens in that one too!

Wicked #32: A School Production

Last night, an exciting milestone happened- I saw my first school production of Wicked.

Australia has had the right for school productions of the show since... I think only last year. Maybe 2017... don't quote me on this. I can't find the exact date to check, but it's definitely only been the last year or two.

When I found out a school near me was putting on a production, I knew I had to go. First, because it's Wicked. Secondly, because I hadn't seen the show since November 2017.

I am so happy I found out about the show. I found out completely randomly (I was at the shops and saw someone wearing a Wicked t-shirt, and on the back was the school name. Cue me immediately Googling it and buying a ticket- still in the store).

When I've seen community theatre productions in the past, I've given spiels about what they changed and staged things, the cast, etc.

I'm not doing that this time.

Mostly because, well... it's a high school production. Kids are putting this on. And the teacher side of me is so much stronger than my amateur theatre critic side. I'm not going to complain about teenagers having the guts to get up on stage and belt out 'Defying Gravity'.


Honestly, I just kept smiling for so much of the show. Apparently the fact that this school is not one that I teach at- or have ever taught at; and I have never taught or met any of these kids before, does not stop Teacher Me from being so goddamned proud of these kids and what they've achieved!

Wicked can not be an easy show to stage. It's certainly not an easy show to sing, especially for Elphaba and Glinda.  But they did a great job. It was so freaking precious.

I've always joked with my best friend that I could see Wicked staged with finger puppets and still think it was the best thing ever. This is the closest I've come to proving that theory, but it totally holds up.

I got teary as soon as I got to the school and saw the auditorium had been lit up with green and pink lights.

The costumes were very low-key (again, kids), the sets were simple but it made me so happy. And that's what matters.

There was no bubble for Glinda (she just stood on the platform on the right in the above photo). But Elphaba did fly in 'Defying Gravity'! (The 'how' can be seen beneath the Dragon on stage).

There was a moment where the girl playing Chistery got kicked in the face during Act 2 when Elphaba freed the Monkeys. There was an audible scream of pain beneath the mask. It didn't sound pretty.

But the kids were all very professional- another Monkey helped her off stage and the show kept going. So. Damn. Proud.

The other great thing about seeing school productions/local theatre? When they have sausage sizzles at intermission. For those non-Aussies, yes it is just a sausage and onion cooked on a BBQ on a single slice of bread. But it's delicious and an Australian cultural staple.

It had been 18 months since I last saw the show. I get to see it twice more this year, both in July. One is another community theatre production to which I'm dragging a bunch of friends. Only one of which has seen the show before and only because I dragged her to a production in her hometown in 2017. FRIENDSHIP!

I'll share thoughts on those come July.


Note: I wrote this in May and thought I'd posted it. Evidently I had only saved it as a draft. So now I'm posting it.